But You know me, O Lord; You see me;
My Father knows me. And I often think He's the only one who does. Someone made a comment yesterday (don't ask me what it was, because for the life of me, I can't remember what it was now) that made me start thinking "Is there anyone who really knows me?" And if I'm being honest with myself, I know the answer is no... and if I'm being brutally honest with myself, I know that's my own fault.
My friends know me at my best. They see me happy, smiling, laughing, occasionally making some sarcastic remark... wearing a mask that says everything's okay... But they don't see me keeping to myself just so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My best friends see a little of both. They've seen me cry so hard I can't speak. And they've seen me laugh so hard I can't breathe.
My boyfriend is the one I really wonder about... has he ever seen me at my best or my worst? Sure he's seen me at good and bad points. He's seen me buy dinner for a friend who lives on a tight paycheck to paycheck budget and just last night he saw me shake hands and tell a young man with highly functioning autism (who approached us well after dark in a pretty much abandoned park) that of course I would love to be his friend. Yet he's seen me be bitingly sarcastic, cussing mad over trifling matters, and being severely judgmental of someone I only know by stalking their Facebook. But he's never seen me work with utterly adorable, dirty little munchkins living in very poor conditions in run down Texas apartments, or helping build a house in Mexico for a young, pregnant, single mother. He's never seen me laugh so hard I'm rolling on the floor crying over some ridiculous thing my puppy did that probably wasn't even that funny. And hand in hand with that, he's never seen me snap at my brothers for absolutely no reason or be flippantly disrespectful to my mom just because I'm in a bad mood. And he's never seen me sob over something that isn't even that significant... just sets me off for some reason.
That's one good thing about this summer. We're spending more than a month within the same vicinity, seeing each other every day, for the first time since we became a couple. So far, we're both loving it. But at the same time, we're both waiting to see who sets the other off first. We know there will be things we discover about the other that we don't like, and that's a little nerve-racking for me.
And I got a little side-tracked there. Oops... anyway, my point is... Does anyone really know me? Will there ever be anyone who ever truly and completely knows me? Yes.
Jeremiah 1:5ab
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you;
Our Creator knows us like no one else ever will. Now, will there ever be any human who truly and completely knows me? No, I don't think so. I think everyone will have at least one person that knows them better than anyone else... but no one will ever know me like the One who created me for a purpose, because even though I may never know that purpose, He does. And everything that happens, every trial and tribulation adds to who I am, and no one will ever understand that better than Him... not even me.
