Missing Pieces

July 2013

"It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty." ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Last week a very dear friend of mine was married in Alabama and was a bridesmaid. I flew out early to help with wedding prep and spend time with her before the big day. I spent a week and a half with her, her family, and her community. She lives in a very small town in an even smaller holiness community. I'm a believer in Christ and I have attended church all my life, but I don't have any experience with holiness churches. Never in my life have I experienced the deep level of familial commitment to one another their community shares. At first I thought it was due to the fact that they've all grown up together, and to a point that's true. But the more time I spent among them, I began to realize the number of years they've all been together has very little to do with it. Their bonds are based on their commitments to God and truly biblical living.

The women do not cut their hair, and the men keep their hair short (1 Corinthians 11). Most of the women don't wear makeup. Everyone dresses very modestly (1 Timothy 2, 1 Peter 3). They are conscious of what they watch and listen to. They truly live by the guidelines of Romans 12: 2- "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." They live simple, biblical lives. And they love each other and they are happy.

I left feeling empty. Feeling... bereft and envious. I've never experienced the fellowship they share on a daily basis and I want it desperately... Their faith and their bonds with each other and make me want to be a part of it.

Never would I have guessed I would even consider making the decision to spend the rest of my life wearing skirts and not cutting my hair, but the simple beauty of it all is so appealing. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my jeans quite yet, but my heart and soul feel empty when I think of my spiritual life compared to theirs. And if a simple life style change to adjust my focus would put me on the road toward sharing a fellowship I currently feel bereft of... it's a sacrifice well worth making.