... life is going to hit you in the face. Now for those few of you who know me, you know I haven't had the worst life, but it sure and anything hasn't been easy either. I've had some bad times, but remembering the good times is what really kills me. Most of the time those memories bring a smile to my face, but nights like tonight, I close the door to the bathroom, turn the fan on, and cry my eyes out.
Looking back on my life is a lot like looking at the ocean. Sometimes it's calm and serene, other times it's like a raging storm. Sometimes it makes me happy, other times is makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm connected, feel like I'm a part of something... and other times it makes me feel empty and alone.I never know when nights like this are going to hit. Just the smallest things can set me off. A picture of my friends without me, a status on Facebook, a comment about some gathering I'm not going to be at... and I just break down and scream at God and ask why my life turned out this way, why I couldn't just stay where I was happy... and I know the answer. If I had stayed in that place in my life, I would've missed so many other things in my life, but that doesn't make the heartache go away. I still don't know what God's plan for me is, but I know He has one.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us: God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.
There are times I have a hard time accepting my life for what it's been, but my life is my testimony. My life is my story. And my life has made me who I am.
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