Patriot: Daughter of a Soldier

I’m the daughter of an infantryman. I don’t consider myself a military brat, because I was 16 before my dad joined, but regardless, my daddy is a soldier. I’ve always been a patriot though. I love this country. Do I like the state it’s in now? No way! But I can’t think of many other places I’d want to live. And I support our troops in any way I can.

Today at lunch a friend of mine made a comment that was rather upsetting to me. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to get into an argument (big thing for me- I’m a very confrontational person) but I wanted so badly to put him in his place. He said, “I don’t think military personnel should get discounts anywhere. Military is service, they shouldn’t be rewarded for it.” And boom! I’m seeing red. And it had nothing to do with the scarf I’m wearing today.

Yes, a career in the military certainly is service. But it is still a career. It’s the only means of income they have. And while officers make a decent salary, enlisted men and women don’t make enough to live on.

My dad is a 40 year old enlisted infantryman with a wife, two teenage boys, and a 20 year old daughter in college. When you break down his salary, he makes less than $4 and hour. And that’s if he only worked 8-hour days, but you know what? It’s the army, and they’ll keep him at work as long as they want each day, on top of making him pull 24-hour shifts at least once or twice a month. Can you live on $4 an hour? Because I sure as heck can’t! Taking care of a family on a military salary… more often than not, ends don’t meet.

There have been times when the only reason my family could afford to eat is because of the lower prices at the commissary. Times the only reason we were able to have food at Thanksgiving was because of donations for military families. Years where the only reason we were able to do anything for Christmas is because of Sears’ Christmas program for military families and ACS and USO events. I can’t count the number of times the only reason I was able travel in order to visit family was thanks to military discounts. The only way my family is able to afford cell phones so we can keep in touch as we’re all so far away from each other. I know some of all this seems really superficial, but take it away, and you realize how important it really is.

Do I get upset when somewhere doesn’t offer a military discount? No way! That’s their choice. It’s their business. But I can’t put into words how blessed I am by those who choose to give back to those who serve this country. It’s just one way people give back and show their appreciation.

So, military personnel shouldn’t be rewarded because what they do is a service? So they shouldn’t be given silver start or purple hearts either, right? They shouldn’t be offered scholarships to continue their education?

Police officers and fire fighters shouldn’t be offered any thanks for what they do either, then. Or teachers, for that matter. They’re all in positions of service too. The little boy who mows the lawn for the elderly widow down the street should refuse the lemonade and cookies she offers him when he’s done, because he’s serving, right? Church volunteers shouldn’t attend the “thank you” lunches the church puts on for them, or accept the gift cards offered at Christmas, because they’re serving, right? Is this what you’re saying? Because this is what I’m hearing.

Don’t talk about things you don’t understand. I know this friend appreciates and respects the military, but a statement like the one he made doesn’t make it sound like he does. I try my best to respect other people’s opinions, but take into consideration what you’re saying and who you’re saying it to; remember that you don’t always know the circumstances that are going to effect someone’s perception of what you say.

Worship

Worship is a controversial subject not only from denomination to denomination, but from church to church. Do we use instruments? If so, do we just use an organ or are other instruments okay? Do we stick to traditional hymns? Or is it okay to add more contemporary songs? Is it acceptable to raise our hands? Can we dance? Can we prostrate ourselves at the altar? Ask these questions to ten different people, and you’ll come back with at least twenty different answers.

Personally, I don’t believe any one form of worship is the “right” way to worship. I’ve worshiped in churches that sang only hymns with no instruments, hymns with just an organ, just acoustic worship, hymns and contemporary songs, and churches whose worship could have been mistaken for a concert. Are any of these “right?” Are any of these “wrong?” No. Everyone worships differently. What matters is where your heart is.

Do I enjoy slow, old, out of tune hymns with no music? Nope. Do I feel a sense of worship when the music is so loud and there’s so many lights flashing I can’t hear myself think? Nope. But that’s just me, and who am I to judge the hearts of those around me? A heart of worship may come in one environment for one person, and a completely different environment for someone else.

Now, while I maintain that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to worship, there are wrong attitudes and wrong practices of worship. One specific thing that never fails to anger me is many “Christians” attitude toward one certain worship practice: the raising of hands.

Only once have I heard a semi-logical  argument against this practice. Most of the time people have no reason why they dislike it, yet they adamantly oppose it.The only time I’ve heard an argument against it that had any basis, the practice was compared to the Tower of Babel; trying to physically reach God. And if that’s your mind set when you raise your hands, then yes, that is wrong.

The raising of hands is not an act of trying to reach God. Raising your hands is an act of complete surrender.

In self defense, one of the first things you learn, and something that is constantly repeated, is to protect your center. Everything important and vital in your body can be found along that center line. You angle your body away, pull your arms in tight, and never raise your hands above your eyes, always, always guarding you center.

Raising your hands leaves everything open. Raising your hands leaves everything vulnerable. Raising your hands leaves everything completely exposed. It is a sign of surrender. You are leaving yourself at the mercy of whoever may be present. In worship, raising your hands is complete and utter surrender to God.

Joshua Generation: Part Two

Ezekial 37:1-14

The hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones. Then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry. And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” So I answered, “O Lord God, You know.” Again He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! Thus says the Lord God to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the Lord.”’”So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone. Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them. Also He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”’” So I prophesied as He commanded me, and breath came into them, and they lived, and stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army. Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They indeed say, ‘Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!’ Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel. Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves. I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it,” says the Lord.’”

Isn't this beautiful? Okay, granted, some people would probably think it was creepy, and if I saw it literally... to be honest, I'd probably run and and hide. But take in the symbolism.

I recently spoke to my old youth pastor about ministry in the church today. When I asked him to describe today's church he answered without hesitation, "It's going downhill fast."

To me, and the way it should be to you, the church is not the building. The church is the people. And the church is the dry bones of Ezekial. And our generation, "the Millennials" is the generation to bring Ezekial's prophecy to life. It is our time to "come up from [our] graves"! It is our time to live!!! 

I will place My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land.Then you shall know that I, the LORD, have spoken it and performed it.

The world is ours, because we are God's, and He gave us dominion over it. And because we are God's, the world is His.  

Psalm 108:7-9
God has spoken in His holiness:“I will rejoice;I will divide ShechemAnd measure out the Valley of Succoth.  Gilead is Mine; Manasseh is Mine;Ephraim also is the helmet for My head;Judah is My lawgiver.9 Moab is My washpot;Over Edom I will cast My shoe;Over Philistia I will triumph.”

The world is His. And it is our duty, our honor, and our privilege to remind the world that it is His.

I believe in our generation with all that I am. And Millennials...  it is tame to wake up and it is time to stand up! "Millennials" is the name the secular world has given us. But it does not identify us. We are the Joshua Generation.

That being said...

JOSHUAS... WAKE UP! STAND UP!

It's time to bring the world to its knees. 

 

Settle: to come to rest

This summer I "moved out" for the first time. I was still with family, but I was no longer under my parents roof. This sort of thing is viewed as a big step in the process of "growing up." And the fact is, I am growing up... I am grown up.

Another major step of this whole "growing up" thing is this theory of "settling down." Now, I'm one of those people who has always sworn I would never be one to settle down early. But as time goes on, I have begun to realize I want to settle down.  Ohh I want SO badly to settle down.

I've mentioned this in passing to one or two close friends.One of my friends, we'll call him Ian, knows me very well. He's that friend that knows me so well it's annoying, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. Anyway, back on focus, I was telling Ian about this, and a guy I might be interested in an he said to me "I want you to have the best... don't settle for this guy just because he's there." 

I have high standards, and as glorious as it will be when I find "the one"... as much as I can't wait, at the same time, I'm not in a rush.
As I was sitting in church service this morning, during a time of silence, I was praying about this, and I just felt contentment, and I know God has a plan for me and that He has someone SO special for me!

Yes, I want to settle down, but I won't settle in the process. I'm willing to wait on God's timing, because I want the guy who's going to sweep me off my feet.

Things 'Just Happen'

Acts 3:1-10: 

Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the ninth hour, the hour of prayer. And a man who had been lame from his mother’s womb was being carried along, whom they used to set down every day at the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, in order to beg alms of those who were entering the temple. When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple, he began asking to receive alms. But Peter, along with John, fixed his gaze on him and said, “Look at us!” And he began to give them his attention, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, “I do not possess silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you: In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene—walk!” And seizing him by the right hand, he raised him up; and immediately his feet and his ankles were strengthened. With a leap he stood upright and began to walk; and he entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. And all the people saw him walking and praising God; and they were taking note of him as being the one who used to sit at the Beautiful Gate of the temple to beg alms, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.  

This has to be one of my favorite stories in the Bible. An honest to God miracle performed by regular people just like me. But as awesome as that is, that's not why I love this story. You want to know why I love this story? Well I'm gonna tell you anyway.

I love this story because the man who was healed could have easily  followed human nature and praised Peter and John for his healing, regardless of the fact they clearly state it is "In the name of Jesus". But does he? No. He praises the one who is worthy of it. He instinctively accepts that it is thanks to GOD he has been healed. 
So tell me... why don't we do that today? We pray for something, it happens. But so often we just shrug off that it was God's doing. We rationalize that 'things just worked out.' NO!!!Things did not just work out! 
Matthew 7:7

Ask,and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Whatever it is, it didn't just happen! It was a divine appointment! So long ago a lame man stood up and walked... LEAPED! and he praised GOD because he accepted that this miracle did not 'just happen'. Why do we have such a hard time accepting such things today?

The Joshua Generation

The Bible prophesies the coming of a generation that will love the Lord. A generation that will change the world for the better. This prophesied generation has come to be known as the Joshua Generation.

Psalm 24:5- This is the generation of those who seek Him, Who seek Your face-- even Jacob.

Psalm 102:18- This will be written for the generation to come, That a people yet to be created may praise the Lord.

Who was Joshua?

Numbers 27:22-23- Moses did as the Lord commanded him; and he took Joshua and set him before Eleazar [the priest] and before all the congregation. Then he laid his hands on him and commissioned him, just as the Lord had spoken through Moses.

Joshua was Moses' successor. He was a man deeply faithful to God and an honored leader. Joshua and his friend Caleb were the only two of twelve spies with enough faith in God's promise to believe they could take immediate possession of the Promised Land.

Joshua was chosen by God to complete the work of Moses. To bring God's people into the Promised Land of the Israelites.

What is a generation?
 Merriam-Webster defines a generation as "a group of individuals born and living contemporaneously". Which essentially means a group of people all born and living around the same time. 


What is the Joshua Generation?
Who is the Joshua Generation?
Why?
Jonny Diaz has a song called Prodigal Like Me that begins "Joshua blow your trumpets towards the walls around my heart, And you better bring your army come and tear my world apart"

The Joshua Generation is the generation that is going to bring this apathetic, dark, falling world jumping back to its feet and into the light with a passion for Christ that has never been seen before! The Joshua Generation is the generation that is going to bring God's Word to the world and His people back to the Promised Land! 

WE are the Joshua Generation. Right here. Right now. US!

Why do I believe we are the Joshua Generation?
Why not?! Look at our generation! As dark as this world is today, when was the last time you saw so many young people so on fire and SO passionate for Christ?! Never before have we had the access to the world like we do today. Never before have we had the tools we today. We have cars and trains and boats and airplanes. We have smartphones, and computers and the internet. We have medicine to battle virtually any disease anywhere that would be an obstacle to serving. Will all these things continue to improve over the years and be better for future generations? Sure. But what's stopping us from starting now? Nothing but our own hesitation!!! We can go anywhere. We can do anything. Why not do all things to His glory? How phenomenal would it be to be the fulfillment of a prophesy?! Reading the stories of the Bible is great! But why not become a part of those stories?!

People... WAKE UP!!! Time to get up and get moving.

WE ARE THE JOSHUA GENERATION.
Now... let's prove it.

Alone Even In a Crowd

~80 other girls in my dorm
~200 other students on campus
151 phone contacts
256 Facebook friends

I am completely surrounded by people.
Yet I am completely alone.

I just started college. I have been away from home before, no big deal. But this is the first time I've been away somewhere that I know nobody. At all. Every time I've been away from home before I've had somebody, whether it was friend or family, I have never before now been completely on my own.

A couple of days ago it really hit me how alone I am. I felt so, so lonely it almost felt like depression. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry or go sprinting back to anywhere where I knew somebody. Yet all those people... literally hundreds of people, and I can count on one hand... a couple fingers really, those of them I felt safe enough to share my thoughts, my fear, my anxiety with.

I'm not a social person. I don't make friends easily. I rarely, if ever, admit this to anyone, but I am terrified of talking to new people, because the possibility of rejection scares me to death. I realized recently, after doing some research, I've developed a form of social anxiety because of this fear. Instead of taking the risk of talking to people to make new friends, I hide away in random corners or my room, keep to myself, and for all intents and purposes watch the world pass me by.

Then, the day I'm having all these thoughts, I get a text from a dear friend. Someone I know God has placed in my life to encourage me and keep me accountable. I open up the message and this is what I see:

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them. For the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you" pray and think on this verse today.. remember YOU are never alone
Isn't our God faithful?! Only He could have known how badly I needed that reminder that day. I lost count of how many times I went back to that message that day. I wrote the verse down in my best handwriting on some pretty paper and framed it and set it on my desk where I can see it every day. A reminder that I am not alone and if the people if this world reject me, it's okay, because I AM NOT ALONE, even if sometimes I feel like I am. I have a God who is faithful and present! How amazing is that? I just have to remind myself, whatever happens is His will and if someone rejects me, then they're not supposed to be in my life. I can do this. 

You Never Know When...

July 2013

... life is going to hit you in the face. Now for those few of you who know me, you know I haven't had the worst life, but it sure and anything hasn't been easy either. I've had some bad times, but remembering the good times is what really kills me. Most of the time those memories bring a smile to my face, but nights like tonight, I close the door to the bathroom, turn the fan on, and cry my eyes out.

Looking back on my life is a lot like looking at the ocean. Sometimes it's calm and serene, other times it's like a raging storm. Sometimes it makes me happy, other times is makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm connected, feel like I'm a part of something... and other times it makes me feel empty and alone.

I never know when nights like this are going to hit. Just the smallest things can set me off. A picture of my friends without me, a status on Facebook, a comment about some gathering I'm not going to be at... and I just break down and scream at God and ask why my life turned out this way, why I couldn't just stay where I was happy... and I know the answer. If I had stayed in that place in my life, I would've missed so many other things in my life, but that doesn't make the heartache go away. I still don't know what God's plan for me is, but I know He has one.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us: God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

There are times I have a hard time accepting my life for what it's been, but my life is my testimony. My life is my story. And my life has made me who I am.

Missing Pieces

July 2013

"It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty." ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Last week a very dear friend of mine was married in Alabama and was a bridesmaid. I flew out early to help with wedding prep and spend time with her before the big day. I spent a week and a half with her, her family, and her community. She lives in a very small town in an even smaller holiness community. I'm a believer in Christ and I have attended church all my life, but I don't have any experience with holiness churches. Never in my life have I experienced the deep level of familial commitment to one another their community shares. At first I thought it was due to the fact that they've all grown up together, and to a point that's true. But the more time I spent among them, I began to realize the number of years they've all been together has very little to do with it. Their bonds are based on their commitments to God and truly biblical living.

The women do not cut their hair, and the men keep their hair short (1 Corinthians 11). Most of the women don't wear makeup. Everyone dresses very modestly (1 Timothy 2, 1 Peter 3). They are conscious of what they watch and listen to. They truly live by the guidelines of Romans 12: 2- "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." They live simple, biblical lives. And they love each other and they are happy.

I left feeling empty. Feeling... bereft and envious. I've never experienced the fellowship they share on a daily basis and I want it desperately... Their faith and their bonds with each other and make me want to be a part of it.

Never would I have guessed I would even consider making the decision to spend the rest of my life wearing skirts and not cutting my hair, but the simple beauty of it all is so appealing. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my jeans quite yet, but my heart and soul feel empty when I think of my spiritual life compared to theirs. And if a simple life style change to adjust my focus would put me on the road toward sharing a fellowship I currently feel bereft of... it's a sacrifice well worth making. 

May 2013

"The most heartbreaking thing in the world is not knowing how to comfort one you love when they are in pain." ~Marissa Mattes~

Random Acts of Kindness

April 2013

So, I was having a pretty bad day today. No specific reason, just one of those days. And when I say no reason, I really mean no reason; the weather is gorgeous, I had a great day yesterday, and in general, things are good. I just wasn't feeling it today. I walked into town to run a few errands... didn't help my mood that I wasn't paying attention and made a wrong turn and ended up taking about a 2 mile detour with already blistered feet. But I got to where I was going and made a stop at the local drug store for a few necessities (not that you would care, but: face wash, lotion, sunscreen, sponge, mousse... and by that point I desperately needed something to drink).

Now, normally people who seem perpetually optimistic and happy bother me... I mean, can you say hello to reality? But for some reason, today that wasn't the case. The cashier was really nice. He asked how I was. But instead of accepting my generalized 'Good' and half-smile, he really looked at me and went, 'Really?' and I told him'Well, you know, just one of those days.' But the thing is, he took an interest. He paid attention and seemed to be genuinely interested... and not in a creepy way. We made small talk for a couple minutes and then I left. But as I was leaving he told me 'Enjoy the rest of your day. Stay beautiful.'

So, here's the part where I mention my hair was pulled back, almost severely so, I had no make up on, and I was probably kinda sun burned. Not exactly my idea of beautiful. So that simple comment, that basic act of kindness, totally made my day. I walked home in a much better mood and feeling quite simply happy. And just because a stranger in a store took the time to talk for a few minutes... to be nice.

Can you imagine how much better the world would be if people took the extra 30 seconds it takes to compliment somebody or help an old lady get something off the shelf at the grocery store? Because I can. And it's quite the picture.

So... how 'bout church?

February 2013

I was recently reading a conversation on a friend's FB status regarding church. Specifically, atheists going to church. For the sake of privacy, the people in the part of the conversation I'm sharing will be labled "A" and "B".

The original status (and I'm paraphrasing) was essentially "Why do atheists think they don't have to go to church because they're atheists if going to church is considered the 'right' thing to do?"

A: Because we're not going to waste our time doing something we don't believe in.

B: Well, what if you started dating a Christian girl and she wanted you to go to church with her?

A: I would go because I was asked. Regardless of beliefs, it's the polite thing to do.

In it's entirety, the conversation was much longer, but mostly comments were unrelated. This section of the conversation is the only part relevant to my point. I have a lot of acquaintances. I've lived a lot of places, and the reality is, the majority of my friends are not Christians. While this conversation was hypothetically speaking about a 'couple' it is not exclusive to that scenario.

How many people do you know that don't go to church? Professing believer, atheist, agnostic, whatever. Personally, I know a LOT. Now, how many of them have you asked to attend church with you? If you're like me the answer is, sadly, if any, not many.

Now, read that conversation again. A said that he would go to church... if only he was asked. While it was in reference to a romantic connection, the simple truth is, they would probably say yes if it was just a friend that asked them.

The fact is, an atheist, or non believer of any form, is not going to just walk into a church. It's intimidating. It's scary. The unknown always is. But what if someone asked them to go along? Invited them in? You know what makes the unknown bearable and a lot less scary? Support. Someone standing by your side.

So, think about it. Is it really that hard to say "Hey! You doing anything this weekend? Would you like to go to church with me and grab some lunch on Sunday?" The worst they can do is say no. But what if they say yes? It could be the first step to salvation for someone. And all you have to do, is ask one little question.

My Heart Trusts in Him

February 2013

I recently realized, as in a matter of minutes ago, that I have never explained the title of my blog. And point in fact, it's a very significant part of everything I write. The name comes from a verse in Psalms.

Pslam 28:7- The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.

The reminder in this verse that I am no longer my own person, that I am Christ's, that I am not alone, has gotten me through nearly every trial in my life since I cam across is roughly 5 years ago. It has shaped my life, and it has given me strength and comfort when there was non to be found.

I Love You

December 2012

"I love you" is not a question, so why do we feel like it requires an answer?

A friend of mine replied to this saying "When one says it, we feel the need to say it back because we want that person to know we love them back." And while I can completely see his point of view, I can also see another side to this.

When I tell you "I love you", while it is indeed nice to hear you say "I love you too", getting that response is not my intent. My intent is, quite simply, to let you know how I feel. It is not an obligation to respond, it's something that is meant to make you feel cherished, with no gain of any kind to me. It's a gift, a gift of affection, letting you know you hold a place in my heart and that I am trusting you with that place. <3 p="">

Father, give me strength... give me wisdom... give me hope for the future. Amen

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Why do people fight? Because it’s human nature. We can’t accept things if we don’t like them, so we fight them. Change comes, deal with it. 

I made a huge mistake tonight… have you ever fought someone knowing no one will win? Before you even get into it… you know there’s no good outcomes, and you have the power to stop it right there before it even starts? But you don’t. You give into the monster. You practically jump straight into the abyss. Yeah… that’s what I did…

And I know this is something I cannot fix on my own. But I’ll be hanged if I don’t give it my best shot. Alone? Never. Not even possible… because as the old saying goes “It takes two to tango.” And both parties have to be willing to work toward a solution for anything to get fixed. But God gives us strength through Him to do great and mighty things. To perform miracles when we believe we can. And I need Him now or I may lose one of the dearest friendships I have ever had. 

Father,

Give me the strength to forgive. Give me the wisdom to accept that I must forgive myself before I can rightfully forgive others. Give me hope for a brighter future. And give me the faith to put all I have and all I am into Your mighty hands.

Amen

Single, No Mingle

“But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” 1 Corinthians 7:7

First hand experience has taught me that we often take singleness for granted. We constantly fail to realize how much of our time, energy, and thought is taken up by relationships.

I just got out of a wonderful relationship that lasted a year and a half. Everyone around me seems to think I should either be heart broken or on the hunt. Not to be callous, or a downer, but I am neither. 

It’s been a long time since I was single, but I had a random thought today of Paul’s reminder that singleness is a gift, not something to be resented. In 1 Corinthians Paul encourages us to remain single and use the extra time being single provides to focus on our faith, which is something I sorely need to do right now. 

I am not saying that singleness is the only path to take, and I don’t plan on remaining single forever. I’m your typical fanciful girl… Someday I want a man’s man to come in and utterly sweep me off my feet and carry me out to his picturesque ranch miles from civilization. Eventually I want a houseful of handsome, rowdy boys running around underfoot, and a couple curly haired, angelic looking (but ornery as me) girls poking around somewhere. But that’s all in the future… right now…

Right now I am going to embrace the gift of a lifetime. I am going to get my life and my spirit pulled together and look forward to the wonderful life I know my Father has planned for me.

What's a Plan?

"An attitude of contentment and hopefulness is one that recognizes God's sovereignty in every situation. Its is faith-birthed optimism that looks to God - an attitude more aware of and grateful for the evidence of God's grace than of problems needing correction." - Joshua Harris - I Kissed Dating Goodbye -

I have to admit that I had a little bit of a hard time finding this quote... I had to search. I always begin a post with a quote or scripture, that's just my style, it gives me a strong starting point. I was looking for something applicable to finding God's plan for one's life, because I recently realized: my life is here. I'm not a kid anymore...

I just spent a month and a half on vacation, and I had a lot of time to think, time I had to use, because I have things to figure out now. And I came to a life-altering conclusion: I DO NOT LIKE THE PLAN I HAVE FOR MY LIFE! I thought I had it figured out... and I did. But that was the problem. I had it figured out. Where was God's hand in any of it? Nowhere. When did I pray about it? Never. How did I know it was His plan for my life? I didn't... I don't, because now I know: it's not.

I don't know what to do with my life because I haven't taken time out of it to ask the only One Who does know. So, I give up. I'm done planning. I'm giving it all to Him. And I'm going to optimistically look forward to His sovereign plan for my life. My problem now is my plan, so it's gone. Done.

I don't have the slightest clue where my life is going, but there is a subtle beauty in that idea, because I know God knows and he will graciously lead me down the path that He has chosen for my. And with that thought in my head and my heart, I am happier and more content than I have felt in years...

Who Knows Me?

Jeremiah 12:3a
But You know me, O Lord; You see me;

My Father knows me. And I often think He's the only one who does. Someone made a comment yesterday (don't ask me what it was, because for the life of me, I can't remember what it was now) that made me start thinking "Is there anyone who really knows me?" And if I'm being honest with myself, I know the answer is no... and if I'm being brutally honest with myself, I know that's my own fault.

My family knows me at my worst. They see me when I'm moody and when I'm mad. I wear a mask with them that closes them out. But they don't see me clean the kitchen or the living room when they aren't home so my mom or brothers don't have to (or so they don't get in trouble for not doing it before they left like they were supposed to).
My friends know me at my best. They see me happy, smiling, laughing, occasionally making some sarcastic remark... wearing a mask that says everything's okay... But they don't see me keeping to myself just so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My best friends see a little of both. They've seen me cry so hard I can't speak. And they've seen me laugh so hard I can't breathe.
My boyfriend is the one I really wonder about... has he ever seen me at my best or my worst? Sure he's seen me at good and bad points. He's seen me buy dinner for a friend who lives on a tight paycheck to paycheck budget and just last night he saw me shake hands and tell a young man with highly functioning autism (who approached us well after dark in a pretty much abandoned park) that of course I would love to be his friend. Yet he's seen me be bitingly sarcastic, cussing mad over trifling matters, and being severely judgmental of someone I only know by stalking their Facebook. But he's never seen me work with utterly adorable, dirty little munchkins living in very poor conditions in run down Texas apartments, or helping build a house in Mexico for a young, pregnant, single mother. He's never seen me laugh so hard I'm rolling on the floor crying over some ridiculous thing my puppy did that probably wasn't even that funny.  And hand in hand with that, he's never seen me snap at my brothers for absolutely no reason or be flippantly disrespectful to my mom just because I'm in a bad mood. And he's never seen me sob over something that isn't even that significant... just sets me off for some reason.

That's one good thing about this summer. We're spending more than a month within the same vicinity, seeing each other every day, for the first time since we became a couple. So far, we're both loving it. But at the same time, we're both waiting to see who sets the other off first. We know there will be things we discover about the other that we don't like, and that's a little nerve-racking for me.

And I got a little side-tracked there. Oops... anyway, my point is... Does anyone really know me? Will there ever be anyone who ever truly and completely knows me? Yes.

Jeremiah 1:5ab
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you;

Our Creator knows us like no one else ever will. Now, will there ever be any human who truly and completely knows me? No, I don't think so. I think everyone will have at least one person that knows them better than anyone else... but no one will ever know me like the One who created me for a purpose, because even though I may never know that purpose, He does. And everything that happens, every trial and tribulation adds to who I am, and no one will ever understand that better than Him... not even me.

Author of My Life

"I am the author of my life. Unfortunately, I write in pen and can't erase mistakes." -Unknown

It always amazes me that so many of the most influential quotes known today are by unknown authors. I like to think of whoever said it or wrote sitting up in heaven looking down at us and laughing and thinking, 'These people don't have a clue!'

As much as I love this quote, I do not fully agree with it. To me, the fact that I cannot erase my mistakes is not unfortunate. There will always be those mistakes that I forever regret, but every mistake I have made has been a learning experience. All mistakes are. And without those mistakes and the lessons I learned from them, I would not be the person I am today. If it weren't for certain mistakes that others have made, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be where I am today.

Some of the most generally relatable examples I have involve my boyfriend. A number of years ago my family moved Oklahoma from California, effectively turning my world upside down. For quite a long time I was very bitter, but eventually I connected to some amazing people who would turn out to lifelong friends. After about 3 years, my family returned to California.The following summer I returned to Oklahoma to visit some friends and go on a mission trip with my church there. A guy friend who had simply been a friend quickly became my best friend during that vacation and a little over a year ago, we made our relationship "official". If my parents hadn't made the mistakes that led to us moving to Oklahoma in the first place, I never would have even met him. And if they hadn't made the mistakes that led to us leaving Oklahoma, he would have simply remained a friend. But through mistakes made, God opened doors to give me the biggest blessing he has to date, my boyfriend.

And if it weren't for the mistakes I've made in the past, for the degrading and bad relationships I had before, I wouldn't know what a blessing God gave me when he gave me my boyfriend.

We're currently approaching a time in our lives when our lives really begin. We've both just graduated, we're applying to colleges, coming to the realization that this is us. No one else. From here we make the choices that will mold our lives. And I know I speak for both of us when I say I can't wait to see what God has in store for us. And personally, I can't wait to look back on and learn from the mistakes I pen along the way.

Love vs Luv

I Love You.

I Luv U.

Notice a difference. I do. One is more personal and meaningful. The other has meaning, but in a different way.

Love. L-O-V-E. What does it describe? An undying love. The way you love your best friends- you would do anything for them and kill anyone who ever hurt them. The way you love your soul mate- always there for them, trust them with all. The way you love your family- you can mess with them all you want, but you would quickly beat anyone else who did to a pulp.

I Love You. It shows you took the time to type or write a few extra letters. It shows that you really do care about the person.

Luv. L-U-V. What does it describe? Something temporary. Something polite. Something courteous. The way you luv your friends- you'll stand by them ans stand up for them, you're there when they need you. BUT your best friends and your family come first. it's not as personal. It's a quick thing that shaves a few seconds of time off your messaging.

Now, don't get me wrong... luv isn't bad, but love is definitely better. Love= cherish. Luv=a possibility of some day cherishing.